Places You'll Go: You Might Need a Vacation

Monday, December 3, 2012

You Might Need a Vacation

Maybe I'm the Jeff Foxworthy of travel. But I believe I can determine whether or not you need a vacation simply by examining the forces around you. For instance, you might need a vacation if your office cubicle is smaller than the space I am currently sitting in under my staircase. So, how about we just figure this out....

You might need a vacation if......

You and only you are responsible for every course in your Christmas dinner.
You have more than 3 kids under the age of 10.
Your mother-in-law lives within 5 miles of your home.
Your mother lives within 10 miles of your home.
Your adult daughter lives within 20 miles of your home.
Your spouses job revolves around sales of any product that is not a necessity to life... like encyclopedias.
Your ex has successfully filed a restraining order against you in the last year.
The voices are telling you to commit any act of violence.
Both (or all) of your exes are planning to be in town for Christmas.
You set your coffee maker up 30 minutes ago and started cussing it 10 minutes ago because it still had not beeped indicating that the coffee was ready and you just walked in the kitchen to discover that you never turned it on.
It has been necessary to re-boot your computer twice just to get this far in reading this list.
You didn't wake up until 8:35 this morning and still that resulted in only 3 hours of sleep last night.
You have recently discovered that your cat, dog, hamster or goldfish is indeed the boss of you.
You really believe that 50 is the new 40 or that anything else you are is actually anything else you aren't.
It is only December 3rd and you are certain you have been hearing someone or something that sounds suspiciously like a fat man and 8 tiny reindeer prance on your roof for the last 20 minutes.
The only day of the month you are registered for 3 webinars and have a 5:00 meeting in Frisco also happens to be the only day of the month that the foundation guys could fit you into their schedule.
You only woke up at 8:35 this morning because the cat was attempting to eat the index finger on your left hand.
You moved over the weekend and decided to save money by not hiring a moving company and using Bubba's truck and now your box spring is in the middle of LBJ.
....Two sofa cushions are on Central Expressway.
You have heard the following phrase from your mother or mother-in-law even once in the last 30 days.... "I was just trying to help."
Your child discovered that the dog was dirty and the washing machine wasn't in use and you didn't figure out where the noise was coming from until the spin cycle.
The band-aid on your left index finger is really hampering your typing but the bleeding won't stop from where the cat attempted to eat you for breakfast so you have to leave it on.
The men in white coats carrying the straight jacket keep repeating that they can't come back on Wednesday when you are less busy.
The Living Social handgun class specials are starting to sound like a wise investment.
aljkndggjhioi===================== The cat just laid on your keyboard indicating it is time to stop working on your blog.
All of the above.