Who MAKES These Lists??!?!??!

I just read an article on Yahoo about the 10 worst states to retire to.  See 10 Worst States for Retirement.  I guess my big question after reading it is....  Was someone actually thinking of packing everything up after working themselves silly for 40 or so years and moving up to Wisconsin anyway???!?!?!?!  All of the states listed with the exception of California were cold weather states.  Who plans to retire in Minnesota anyway?  Perhaps one Minnesotan in history thought to his or herself at one point Whooooo!!!!  This snow shoveling is so great!!!!!  I can't wait until I'm retired so that I can do this ALL DAY LONG for 6 months out of the year.  Then his wife had him committed and she moved to south Florida because even the Florida panhandle seemed just a little too chilly.

Don't worry Yahoo, none of us will make the fatal mistake of retiring to Alaska either!  I suppose there are people in the world for whom cold weather isn't as big of a problem as it is for me.  But still when they think of being 85 years old and looking back on their lives, do they picture doing it surround by so much snow they can't find their car?

Apparently, I am the exact opposite of the people for whom this article was written.  For years I have been saying that if I ever won the lottery, I'd sell everything, load up my two cats, gather up all my flip flops and head off to Grand Cayman.  I currently live in Texas, so in a month or so, the temps will get up to about 150 degrees and stay that way most of the summer and still I'd rather live here than in Vermont where apparently according to the article the average temperature is 43.1 degrees.  Think about that.  That's not their average winter temperature.  It's their average temperature.  Do you have any idea how freaking cold it has to be most of the time to get your average in the low 40's?  It's not the coldest state.  In this list alone, both Maine and Alaska beat it.  But here's the deal.  You expect cold temperatures in Alaska.  No one goes to Alaska thinking; I'm gonna retire... maybe I'll do a little surfing and catch some sun before I get too old to enjoy it all....  No, when you make the decision to retire in a place like Alaska you know exactly what you are in for....  tons of snow, probably no indoor plumbing, you may have to fight bears for your food, and if the winter goes too long, you may have to kill one of your pets and eat it.  If that's how you roll then Alaska is probably for you.

The problem I have with Vermont and it's 43.1 degree average temperature is that to me it was kind of unsuspected.  I mean, I knew that it was in the northeast and there were mountains with ski resorts there so it is bound to be cold.  But the name of the state is so nice and smooth... it sort of rolls right off your tongue and lulls you into a false sense of calm and relaxation.  I bet that if someone were to have you lie in a dark room and they said the word Vermont to you 10 times quietly, you would go into a semi-hypnotic state just thinking of the green forests and waterfalls.  Chances are you wouldn't jump up and run off screaming after picturing yourself behind the wheel of a car that spins off the road in a driving snow storm and winds up in a snow bank never to be seen again until the snow melts 5 months later.  There should be warning signs on Vermont.  Seriously, as you drive into the state they should be required to tell you that it is damn cold and you could die!  But instead their Welcome to Vermont sign is actually GREEN!  It gives you no hint that you could freeze to death in just a few minutes if you happen to wonder outside alone for too long during the 7 month long winter.

Welcome Center 2 Miles Ahead....  Pah-leeze!  Welcome to HELL!  Now I realize that some of you may be from Vermont and I don't mean to offend you if you love your state.  I'm sure that in your narrow little mind it is the greatest state in the world and you are proud to be from there ( I know I feel that way about Texas and you all think that I am insane).  I congratulate you on your loyalty to your home state.  I'm not picking on Vermont because I dislike it or have anything against it.  In fact, I've never been there.  I'm sure that it is perfectly wonderful.  I was just shocked at how cold it is there and then I began to wonder how these cold states could even have made this list.  In fact, I wonder how most of the states listed made the list.

Are there people nearing retirement age who sit around in the evening talking to their spouse and discussing the best places to move so that they can shovel snow for the rest of their lives?  Did Yahoo feel that it was necessary to talk these people down if so?  If people are thinking that they should retire to one of these miserable cold weather states which apparently have high costs of living, high taxes and limited access to medical care, I say, let them go!  It's called Survival of the Fittest man!  If you want to retire in Minnesota, I say gook luck to you!  We should not try to talk these people into warm weather beach lined states.  The beaches don't need anymore people on them.  In fact, maybe we should start encouraging some of the crazies who already live up there to stay where they are.  In their cabin fever induced insanity, it probably won't be a tough sell anyway!  Maybe the fewer articles about how cold and expensive their state is, the better.  I'm just sayin'.

So, I'm thinking of submitting an article to Yahoo that I will entitle The 10 BEST States for Retirement and I think I will list each of the 10 that the previous article stated as the Worst and see if I can talk a few northerners into staying where they belong.  After all, they've never experienced a balmy 64.8 degree average annual temperature like we have here in Texas.  They'd probably whine about the heat all the time anyway. And who wants to listen to it?  Maybe I'll throw North Dakota into my list and make it The 11 BEST States for Retirement.  After all, with it's average temperature of 40.4 degrees it'll fit right in with the rest.