Are you heading out this weekend either to visit family for Christmas or to get away from family and escape to an exotic location? Well let me help out. Here are a few things you should be on the look out for during your journey.
BEWARE OF CHATTY PEOPLE WITH MAGAZINES!!!!
The only thing worse than a chatty person with no reading material when you just want to read the book you brought along is a chatty person with a magazine that she thinks you might be interested in. I can tolerate almost anything for a few seconds. But having a complete stranger read a recipe to me will totally push me over the edge.
NEVER TAKE ADVICE FROM A SERIAL HIKER!!!!
If anyone from Colorado, Utah or Sweden wearing Birkenstocks, socks and a backpack ever offers you this commentary; "It's just a fun little hike, you'll enjoy it!" RUN, don't walk, the other way. That sentence is code for "Hey fatso, that hike is going to kick your ass. But if you survive, it is going to be so much fun listening to the story when you get back!!!"
WATCH THE LOCALS!!!!
When in Manhattan if it is 65 degrees and sunny and you see more than one person getting on a subway wearing a coat and carrying an umbrella, return immediately to your hotel for any sub zero gear you may have brought along. If you didn't bring any, buy some before the weather hits and all the other tourists storm the shops for mittens and hats.
THEY DON'T REALLY SPEAK ENGLISH!!!!
When you ask anyone in a foreign country whether they speak English and get the following response in any language other than English "un poco", "un peu", "trochu", "een beetje", "ein wenig", "is beag" or "hemhoro". You may think that means "a little", but what it actually means is, "I know 3 cuss words in English, but I mispronounce all of them." They can't help you. Find someone else.
THEY'RE NOT REALLY BEING NICE!!!!
"Américain stupide" in France, "hloupý Američan" in the Czech Republic, "Dummer Amerikaner" in Germany, " Americano tonto" in Mexico, "愚かなアメリカ" in Japan, "Глупый американский" in Russia and "Stupid Kaskazini" in Tanzania all mean the same thing. Look it up.
DON'T ORDER A COKE!!!!
The reason everyone tells you meals are so expensive in Europe is because they went to Europe and ordered a Coke. Wine is much cheaper!!! Just drink the wine.
This is all of the advice I have for today. I would spend more time giving you little pieces of advice but unfortunately, my cookies aren't going to bake themselves. If you are traveling for Christmas, be safe. Have a happy holiday!
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